5 Essential Steps to Stay Calm and In Control at Work

When a colleague frustrates you, are you steering your own ship or merely a passenger? Consider how you typically react when a coworker interrupts you in a meeting, you’re passed over for a promotion, or your boss takes credit for your hard work. Feeling upset is natural, but how you handle these emotions determines your ability to move past such triggers and build self-regulation.

Ask yourself: “Do I control my emotions, or do they control me?” If you find yourself immediately reacting with anger or frustration, your emotions are in the driver’s seat. However, if you can pause, take a deep breath, and decide how to respond, you remain in command, guiding your own career journey.

Mastering Your Central Command Center

Self-regulation begins with practice and helps you operate from a "central command center." This is a mental space where you can respond to life’s challenges calmly and with intention. Operating from this center leads to fewer health issues and contributes to a successful, long-term career.

The key is to focus on the space between a trigger and your response. When you’re mindful of this gap, you can choose how to react instead of letting emotions dictate your actions. The real question isn’t, “How is life treating you?” but rather, “How are you treating life?”

Too often, we rush to respond, bypassing this crucial moment of choice. This can lead to saying or doing things we later regret. But by slowing down and embracing this space, you can respond thoughtfully and feel more in control.

Practical Example

Think of it like driving: you wouldn’t change lanes without checking your mirrors, nor would you fire a shot without aiming first. Similarly, acting from your central command center requires awareness and practice. While it may not be easy at first, with time, you can learn to respond intentionally rather than reacting impulsively.

The 5 A's of Self-Regulation

Drawing inspiration from both ancient teachings and modern psychology, self-regulation can be broken down into five actionable steps. These steps help you navigate challenging situations and maintain emotional balance:

1. Awareness: Recognize that an event is triggering you.
2. Acknowledgment: Accept that your reaction stems from within, not external circumstances.
3. Address: Focus on the space between the event and your reaction.
4. Acceptance: Understand that you have the power to choose your response.
5. Action: Choose a response that aligns with your long-term goals and growth.

By practicing these steps, you can train your brain to disconnect from intense emotions within 90 seconds. This method serves as your on-ramp to emotional control, helping you take charge while relegating reactive emotions to a passenger role.

Creating Emotional Distance Through Self-Talk

Imagine someone criticizes you on a phone call, and you instinctively hold the phone away to gain distance from their words. Similarly, you can learn to observe your emotional state—whether it's anxiety, anger, or frustration—from a neutral standpoint. Treat your emotions like external objects rather than personal failures, which helps reduce their intensity.

Research shows that self-talk is a powerful tool for emotional regulation. Speaking to your emotions as if they belong to someone else allows you to detach and view them more objectively. For example, instead of saying, “I’m so angry,” you might think, “Anger is present, but it doesn’t control me.”

The Science of Self-Talk

Psychologists, like Ethan Kross from the University of Michigan, highlight how self-talk can reduce stress and prevent overthinking. By addressing your emotions in the third person—“What’s up, frustration?”—you shift from being the actor to the narrator of your feelings. This approach promotes calmness, clarity, and focus, especially during high-pressure situations.

Similarly, Dr. Richard Schwartz, creator of Internal Family Systems Therapy, emphasizes that using first-person pronouns like “I” can intensify negative emotions. However, third-party self-talk creates a healthy separation, giving you better control over your responses.

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Take Control of Your Emotional Journey

While you can’t control every challenge in your career, you can control how you respond. Embracing self-regulation techniques like self-talk empowers you to navigate difficulties with confidence and poise. By practicing these skills, you can transform emotional triggers into opportunities for growth and maintain control over your professional trajectory.